WANT. TO. RANT

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Recently, I've been doing something I know I shouldn't... like really shouldn't. But then again, I'm an INFJ, and as an INFJ, I feel a lot. Sometimes, it came out pretty dumb, and kind of insane...
Oh well

It's been a hell of a ride for the past 33 days (yes I remember the exact number), lots of tears have poured down, lots of panic attacks, lots of... yea basically not a good month.
And... today is *probably* the end of the ride.
I shouldn't have started this ride at all, but at that time, my heart told a different story. And that's why next time I probably shouldn't follow my heart because...it's just plain stupid, and dangerous. Dangerous? I'll tell you why

It was all started with a simple question. And I responded, because honestly, how bad can it be? I was just helping him with his assignment...
NO!
It was called giving a second chance. He started rambling about how awful his life is since that day, how he still loves me, and so on... I really don't wanna get into the details... And honestly, I feel like he meant it. I'm a type of person who can feel one's sincerity and oh boy this guy is so sincere... and I fell for that. I've always believed his sincerity up to this day, but things have changed. I should not fall for it anymore. But I did anyway~~~~~~ eeeeyyyy *both hands up emoji*
So we developed some sort of deep connections like the way we did before that day, to the point where I would consider to begin again despite everything that has happened. And he? Well, he went way beyond 'begin again'. He went on and on about the future (our future) and it triggered my anxiety, sometimes, because it's still hard to deal with this after all that has happened... so yeah there were lots of asphyxiating moments, at least for me. But other times, I enjoyed all the warm feelings that I got...  Pretty tiring, I'd say.

People would say this is toxic and I should stay away, but I didn't. And today, I got caught. It's a widely known story, yknow, about me and him. So if one's found out, pretty sure everyone will, including my parents, which leads to me being isolated. So I told him that, and that we couldn't talk anymore...
.
.
.
The next thing I know is he's at the beach, attempting to drown himself.

Quite a story, right?

Bisous,

Serafina

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